This year has been a year of difficult challenges and I, for one, am glad to see it coming to an end. I'm a fighter and have always landed on my feet in the past, always have found a way to get through tough times but there has been such a flood of it this year that I'm exhausted. It's all drained me so much that my poor little muse is hiding somewhere in a dark corner deep in my mind and no matter what I try she is not being coaxed out. At times I find myself just sitting and staring at nothing. I am unaware of any thoughts but I do think those moments are times when my mind is trying to sort through and make sense of this last year.
This year my family has come close to losing our home, my husband had surgery on his spine, we had 2 family members attempt suicide in the last 3 months, work hours have been cut so there's not always enough to pay bills and eat, one child has moved back home because they can not find work in the town they lived in and sadly are having the same issues here, no insurance to pay medical bills so we get up to 10 calls a day and even though we try to tell them we've applied for help they don't care and just keep calling. It just goes on from there.
I'm not sleeping and the stress seems to have lowered my resistance to colds and flu because I just keep getting sick. I've lost my smile and things that use to make me giggle and laugh just get blank stares from me. I'm worn out, emotionally drained and creatively dead. But then, I'm the mom and the wife and the rock that's suppose to be strong and support and nuture and take care of and keep things going and solve problems and grease the wheels and ..... and .................. ARRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
I know that just because the year is about to change that it's not going to magically be all bright and shiny and giddy and everyone and everything is going to be fixed and the world will make sense again but dammit ...... I have to believe that the New Year has a chance to be better, ...... right?